Need.

I don't need much. I don't need the cable. I don't especially need the internet. I don't really need my computer, given the exception of my math research (over 5000 possibilities of a problem? I think I'll stick to the computer programs). I don't need the video games. I don't need the candy. I don't need the heater. I don't need to live with people of other lifestyles than my own. I don't need to stay here at this college, getting a seemingly mediocre education. I don't need to move to another college. I don't need new friends, and I don't need old ones. I don't need my family. I don't need all the clothes I have, nor do I need all the useless technology I own. I don't need a girlfriend, I don't need a best friend. I don't need anything in this world other than four things:

Air, food, water, survival skills.

Oh, but you need this, and you need that. You need this raise to get a better car. You need this new watch to look more fashionable. You need this new video game to play with your friends. You need this calculator to do these math problems. You need this computer and printer to do your homework and print out assignments. You need these shoes to walk. You need these clothes to hide yourself, define yourself. You need these decorations to make your home enjoyable and pleasurable. You need this better quality food for your health. You need to get surgery to fix that unwanted appearance. You need to learn another language because knowing one isn't enough. You need to have more friends, because you're not social enough already. You need to stop doing drugs and ruining your body. You need to focus on driving and not text every minute of the way. You need to go to college to get a better education, and with that education, get a high salary job, because you need that to have money, and you need money to have a successful and enjoyable life.

There are needs. There are desires. And then there are just things you can't explain.

I can't explain it, but I have this urge to find myself. I'm lost. It's not because of you that I'm lost, in fact, because of you I realize this. Because of you, I have become a better person. Your care and affection has helped me realize things that I never would have on my own. I appreciate it. But like some great mind told me once, "people can only influence you and your decisions - but you are the one who ultimately makes the decision."

So here I am, needing to make a decision. Desiring to make a decision. Having that unexplainable urge to make a decision. But something is holding me back. Is it the past? Surely this is an asinine thing to do, holding on to the past, preventing it from letting me move forward, progress, grow, learn, adapt, expand, discover, explore.

But... how do you let go of something so dear to you?