As Happy as possible...

And not much is very possible at this point in time.

But I'm glad we talked. I'm glad that it could end gradually, letting our hands, once grasped together so tight, fall slowly apart. Every finger touching, into each finger losing their soul mate as they pulled away. An empty hand now, but one still close to yours.

We're friends, you know. Some parts of us perfect, but must of the time, our other parts are nothing more than frustration and annoyance. We have a lot to figure out. I still haven't figured out what I'm doing with my life, and I haven't quite grown into the person I want to be. I can tell that you've already got some life goals, or at least an idea of where you're going with your life. I know you want to succeed in college, and move on to a great graduate program, even if it's across the country. You're ready to move, you're ready to start showing the world your potential, your intelligence, and your contribution to others. All I know is that I'm majoring in mathematics.

So we have parts that are great and parts that are not the best, but that's what makes us good friends. We established this friendship on such great terms, really getting to know one another. Maybe we grew to know each other a little too much; maybe there's still I lot more to find out about one another.

It won't be the best few weeks coming up, but I know that we'll get through it. Oh, there's sadness alright, lot's of sadness. But there's also a lot of potential to have a great time the next few weeks. School ends soon, and I know there's relief in finishing another semester. If you're like me, your ready to move on to that next semester, eager to find out what else you can learn.

I don't mean to say that I'm ready to move on from you, but progress is good. We've been working through this, and it gets easier.

I guess one thing that makes me sad the most, is the contrast I see in losing someone, between a failing relationship and the sudden death of a loved one. My dad died and that was it. I had no chances to tell him I loved him before he left, no chances to really talk to him and bond with him. To pay attention to all the things he tried to teach me and encourage me to do. And then there's you. Our relationship, in whatever form it may have been, fell apart. I know we'll always be friends, but looking ahead, I'm afraid I'll lose you completely, watching from afar as I see you living a new life... one without me.

I'm not saying that I would have rather you died; no, thats absurd. I'm merely saying, that, in some strange manner, its almost more heartbreak to see you walk away.

Things happened the way they did though.

And here we are now.

I'll always have the memories. Always.

I will always remember that last night, that last moment of happiness in your arms.

I love you Brianne.

I always will.